1
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,800

Gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians

2
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,600

Ferocious Fights
Dingy Castles, Daring Knights

3
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,080

defy description

4
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,600
Cut-throat Celts,
Awful Egyptians

5
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,120

Punishments from ancient times

6
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:18,680

Rotten, Rank and ruthless

7
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,520
Cavemen savage,
fierce and toothless

8
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,800

Reigning stages
Mean and Measly Middle Ages

9
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,320


10
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,720


11
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,040

longer a mystery

12
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:35,960

Horrible Histories

13
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,480
[MAN READING]

14
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,320
Our King George
III was a bit loopy,

15
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:48,840
but not nearly as loopy
as the doctors who
tried to treat him.

16
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,240
The royal doctor,
Your Majesty.

17
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,600
Doctor? I don't need a doctor.

18
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,440
I was just telling
the Prussian
Ambassador here...

19
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,360
That is a pot plant,
Your Majesty.

20
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,160
Oh, yes, so it is.

21
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,880
[SCOFFS] Well, as I was
just telling
this pot plant here

22
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,160
I feel as fit as
a pig in Sweden.

23
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,280
[SNORTS]

24
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,000
Seize the patient.

25
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,160
What are you doing?
Unhand me, you knaves.

26
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,760
I'm afraid his
majesty is quite mad.

27
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,240
Mad, I'm absolutely furious.

28
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:24,440
Please, his majesty must see
that he's not well.

29
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,400
Huh, I suppose I have been
a bit off colour.

30
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,840
As has his wee wee,
bright purple.

31
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,720
Yes, thank you.

32
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,080
I think we'll leave
the diagnosis and treatment

33
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,440
to those of us trained
in the medical profession.

34
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:42,760
Only science can
provide the solution,
science and mustard.

35
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,160
Mustard, what a good idea.

36
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,480
I'm a sausage,
sizzle, sizzle, sizzle.

37
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,000
Yes,
that's clearly not working.

38
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,960
We'll try
another Georgian cure.

39
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,600
Oh, splendid, what's that?

40
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,240
I'm not going to
blind you with science,

41
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,360
just assault you
with this red hot poker.

42
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:03,920
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

43
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,440
It's quite simple really,

44
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,280
we just wait for
a blister to appear
and then pop.

45
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,880
Is this really
supposed to cure him?

46
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,640
Yes, that and shouting at him.

47
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,080
Stop being mad, get better.

48
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,560
We Georgian doctors
have made great strides

49
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,560
in the treatment
of this affliction.
Get better!

50
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,720
Shouldn't you be giving him
some sort of medicine?

51
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:27,240
Oh, I already have, he's on
a spoonful of Arsenic,
twice a day.

52
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,480
Arsenic?

53
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,920
Yes, mixed in with
some other stuff.

54
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,480
But Arsenic is
highly poisonous,

55
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:32,960
you're going to
make him worse.

56
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,920
Worse!

57
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,080
Are you trying to tell me

58
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,920
that I,
the King's own physician,

59
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,200
am making the King worse,
are you insane?

60
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,720
Insane...

61
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,720
Because if you are insane,

62
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,920
I shall have to
treat you, too.

63
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,440
Why don't I
help you treat him?

64
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,360
Yes, um, you...

65
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,480
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

66
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:57,880
Stop being mad!

67
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,400
Get better!

68
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,560
Grow up!

69
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,040
Don't act weird all the time.

70
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,400
Just stop it.

71
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,840
You know, George III
really did have purple wee,

72
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,560
it was probably caused by
one of his doctor's cures.

73
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,440
I bet you could win
Britain's got
Talentwith that.

74
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,360
Tonight, Simon, I'm gonna
fill this bucket
with purple wee.

75
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,120
[LAUGHING]

76
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,360
Oh, poor old George III,

77
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,000
he really was
one sandwich
short of a picnic.

78
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,200
Lay the table,
it's Ready Steady Feast,

79
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,600
and joining us in
the kitchen this week

80
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,920
is his majesty,
King George III.

81
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,720
Oh.

82
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,640
-Have you seen
the royal doctors?
-No.

83
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,600
Oh, thank heavens.

84
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,720
For some reason they think
I'm not totally sane.

85
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,760
[CLUCKING]

86
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,160
I know that's absurd,
isn't it?

87
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,800
Still,
they can't stop me gardening.

88
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,640
Cooking.

89
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,640
Isn't it,
must be these lights.

90
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,800
So, what have you
brought for us today
from your royal kitchen?

91
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,560
Well, today I've brought
a lovely bit of beef.

92
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,200
Oh, nice. And how are you
planning to cook it?

93
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:05,840
Cook it?

94
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,960
I'm not gonna cook it,
I'm going to plant it.

95
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,800
You're going to
plant a piece of beef?

96
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,600
Yes, I can't think why
nobody's thought of it before.

97
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,040
You simply get
yourself a bit of soil,

98
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,440
dig a hole,

99
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,240
pop the beef in,

100
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:24,840
and in six months time
you could have your
very own beef tree.

101
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:29,320
Or more likely, a lot of dogs
digging up your garden.
[LAUGHS]

102
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,920
-Grubs up.
-[GASPS]

103
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,080
DOCTOR: There he is.

104
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:33,480
It's the royal doctors.

105
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,280
Well...

106
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,360
How's the beef
tree coming along?

107
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,360
Come here, sire.

108
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,480
[SIGHS]

109
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,560
It's a good job I
brought a sandwich.

110
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:48,800
Grubs up.

111
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:52,760
[MAN READING]

112
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:59,200
Yo, my name is Elagabalus
and I'm the Emperor of Rome

113
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,120
even though I'm
only a teenager
which is, well, wicked.

114
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,720
To make myself more popular
with the people of Rome,

115
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,640
I've invented my own lottery,

116
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,240
Romolottery Millions.

117
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,600
Play my game
and you could be well minted,

118
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,400
like I am but
not as much as me.

119
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,560
So come to my Roman arena,

120
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:19,160
grab yourself a ticket
and see what you've won.

121
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,560
I don't believe it,
I've won a slave.

122
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,560
That's nothing,
I've just won a new house.
Yes!

123
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,240
BOTH: Brilliant!

124
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,560
Thing is,
doing all this good stuff

125
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,960
can get really boring,
[GROANS]

126
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,160
so I've decided to
spice things up a bit

127
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,640
and now not all my prices
are quite so nice.

128
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,200
Wait up,
I've won something as well.

129
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,880
[SCREAMS]

130
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,440
It's a dead dog.

131
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,040
[LAUGHING]

132
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,360
Oh, my practical
jokes are, well, grimy.

133
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,200
A dead dog, that's so minging.

134
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,360
I wonder what I've won.

135
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,080
Oh, it's bees, it's bees, oh.

136
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,680
[LAUGHING]

137
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,720
Oh, a box full of bees,
he's well stung man.

138
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,120
Romolottery
millions is pranktastic.

139
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,600
I've even made the ticket bit
more exciting.

140
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,160
I fire them from catapults

141
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,280
and the crowd
have to scramble to get them,

142
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,000
only sometimes I put some
poisonous snakes in as well.

143
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,440
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

144
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,880
[LAUGHING]

145
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,320
Look at them.

146
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,760
Yeah, play my pranktastic
Romolottery millions,

147
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,920
it's well random, dog.

148
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,920
WOMAN: Warning,
being bitten to death
by poisonous snakes

149
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,400
or being trampled to death
may result in death.

150
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,000
Most death.

151
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,960
Not everyone liked
Elagabalus' sense of humour,

152
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,880
and like many Emperors
he ended up being
murdered in Rome.

153
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,880
To avoid the same fate,
Emperor Tiberius
moved to the island of Capri,

154
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,280
but he still lived in fear
of assassination.

155
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,600
Emperor Tiberius of Rome,

156
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,360
I have received
word from the gate

157
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,960
that there is
a man here to see you.

158
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,320
Emperor Tiberius?

159
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,160
Is he an assassin?

160
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:03,880
No.

161
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,320
You sure he's not going to
try to kill me.

162
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:08,000
I mean, the only reason
I came to the island of Capri

163
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,120
was to get away
from all the assassins.

164
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,680
No, he's not here to kill you,
he's here to welcome you.

165
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,560
He's got you a nice present
and everything.

166
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,280
Okay, show him in.

167
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,320
Oh, great Emperor Tiberius,

168
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,680
I have brought you a gift.

169
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:26,880
It is this fish.

170
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,640
[SCREAMING]

171
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,480
Guards! Guards!

172
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,320
This man's going
to try to kill me
with this fish.

173
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:34,920
What, did he say fish?

174
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,480
He's just being
paranoid again.

175
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,600
He's going to use the fish
to cut open my guts,

176
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,120
and then he's going
to cut off my head,

177
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,640
and then he's
going to shove my guts
down inside my neck,

178
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,520
and then he's
going to use my head
to play keepie uppie,

179
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,880
and then he's
going to throw me
into the sea.

180
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,800
Seize him!

181
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,640
Wait a minute, I wasn't...
This is just a dead fish.
It's a gift.

182
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,080
Take the fish and
rub it on his face.

183
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,480
What?

184
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:57,680
Yes, Emperor.

185
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,040
-What is this?
-Sorry about this, mate.

186
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,560
[GAGS]

187
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,240
See, the scales are
taking his face off,

188
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:06,000
I told you it was
a dangerous fish.

189
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,520
-Make him kiss it.
-Yeah, kiss it.

190
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,800
-Good.
-And hit him with it.

191
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,080
Seriously, I...

192
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,680
That teach you, won't it?

193
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,280
I'll tell you what.

194
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,320
It's a good job
I didn't bring in
the massive crab.

195
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,520
Don't say that.

196
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,320
What,
bring me this massive crab.

197
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,840
I didn't mean it,
it's just a joke,
I was just...

198
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,160
Pinch his nose with it.

199
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,240
[GROANING]

200
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,560
Ooh, yeah.

201
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,680
How do you like them eggs?

202
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,960
That'll teach you to be
a nasty assassin, won't it?

203
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,360
I should have just brought
the flowers, really.

204
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,920
Mr Bad man.

205
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,640
Well done, guys.

206
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,080
That's true, paranoid Tiberius

207
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,640
really did rub that man's face
with a fish

208
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,960
and he wasn't the only
scaredy cat Emperor.

209
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,640
Oh, no, Domitian had the walls
of his palace

210
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,120
polished like mirrors
so he could always see people

211
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,960
sneaking up on him.

212
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,520
I'm no scaredy cat though,

213
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:01,600
I'm petrifidey of them.

214
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:02,720
[CAT MEOWS]

215
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,160
[WHIMPERING]

216
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,680
[MAN READING]

217
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:15,040
NARRATOR:
The Saxon weather forecast
with Edwin Grubby-Peasant.

218
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,240
Hello, and welcome to
the Saxon Weather Forecast,

219
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,080
where we use the most
reliable Saxon superstitions

220
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,040
to predict the weather.

221
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,560
Off the coast of Wales,
dolphins have been spotted

222
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,040
leaping out of the water,

223
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,640
which of course
means gale force winds
are to follow.

224
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,440
Good news up in Scotland,
however,

225
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,240
where we've seen
some red sky at night,

226
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,480
so expect calm weather there.

227
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,240
That's assuming the red sky
wasn't actually a monastery

228
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,320
on fire after a Viking raid.

229
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,240
Over in Kent, some splashes
from oars have been spotted

230
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,240
glittering on a night voyage,

231
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,200
which of course can
mean only one thing,

232
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,160
there's a storm brewing.

233
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,800
Now don't forget on Sunday
there was a thunderstorm,

234
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,920
bad news for any
monks or nuns watching

235
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,840
'cause that means
some of you are going to die.

236
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,080
And on Wednesday,
there's also
going to be thunder,

237
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,080
which is
unfortunate for lazy women

238
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,640
as it means they're
going to die, too.

239
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,560
Well,
that's about all we've got
time for, so have a nice week,

240
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,000
unless you're
a nun and you're lazy

241
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,960
in which case
you're totally stuffed.

242
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,080
Good night.

243
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,360
We Saxons really
believed all that.

244
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,480
What
a superstitious bunch, eh?

245
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,440
We were terrified of ghosts

246
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,240
and we had some funny ideas
about how to keep them at bay.

247
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,360
-Hello, darling.
-Hello.

248
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,800
Well, we don't have to worry
about ghosts any more.

249
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,080
I wasn't worried about ghosts.

250
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,080
[GASPS] What have you done?

251
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,960
Burnt all our crops,
every last field.

252
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,920
Apparently,
it's the new Saxon way
to keep ghosts at bay,

253
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,440
so no more ghosts for us.

254
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,400
Yeah, and no more food.

255
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,760
Yeah, haven't really thought
this through, have I?

256
00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,040
[SCOFFS] Least when
I die of starvation,

257
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,880
I won't be able
to haunt anyone.

258
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,440
Oh,
you won't die of starvation,
my love,

259
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,160
because I'm going
to kill you first.

260
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,040
-You idiot.
-Oh, that hurt.

261
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,640
All right,
all right, I'm sorry, I'll...

262
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:16,040
NARRATOR:
Anglo Saxon famine solutions.
Number one, eat a tree.

263
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,200
Yes, when crops failed,

264
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,280
Saxons filled out there flour
with tree bark,

265
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,040
wild grass and
even stinging nettles.

266
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,200
Ow, ow, ow.

267
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,160
Number two, eat the dead.

268
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,960
What's in the stew?

269
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,560
Um, it's a family recipe.

270
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,920
Where's Granny gone?

271
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,880
NARRATOR: Number three,
for fewer mouths to feed,

272
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,880
sell any children
under the age of seven.

273
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,200
-Sell him.
-Sell her.

274
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:54,600
No, sell him.

275
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,080
Can you take them both?

276
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,280
Number four, jump off a cliff.

277
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,840
Are you serious?

278
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,120
NARRATOR:
It is what 40 villagers did
in Sussex.

279
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,160
It's a bit drastic,
have you got any
other suggestions?

280
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,360
NARRATOR: You're right,
it's a terrible idea.

281
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,040
How about number five,

282
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,560
become the Lord of
the Manor's slave
so he has to feed you.

283
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,600
Oh, that sounds better.

284
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,160
Oh, Lord,
I pledge to be your slave
and will do anything you ask.

285
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,120
Brilliant,
right, first job then.

286
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,440
Clean up my bunions

287
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,240
and we'll eat.

288
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,280
[CLEARING THROAT]

289
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,600
Actually I think
I've lost my appetite.

290
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:34,840
[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST]

291
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:39,000
[MAN READING]

292
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:43,400
Howdy,
partner, American history
is pretty horrible, too.

293
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,240
We had our fair share
of fights and battles

294
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:49,880
and our fair share of [LAUGHS]
stupid deaths.

295
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:57,880

They're funny
'cause they're true

296
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:02,000

Hope next time it's not you

297
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,600
We could have dinner,
he won't mind.

298
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,000
Next! And you are...

299
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,520
My name is
Clement Vallandingham,
Your Honour,

300
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,840
I'm a criminal lawyer.

301
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,280
Well, come on then,
entertain us with your death,

302
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,960
the stupider, the better.

303
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,080
Well, sir, I was an expert
in criminal law

304
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,480
and one day I
was defending a man

305
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,680
who was accused of
shooting someone dead.

306
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,880
Hmm, hmm,
yes, very interesting, not.

307
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,760
I wanted to prove
that the dead man
had in fact

308
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,400
accidentally shot himself.

309
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:38,120
Now, I was demonstrating this
to my legal team,

310
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,440
and I drew out my pistol,

311
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,440
fell to my knees.

312
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,600
Your Honour, I did not realise
my pistol was loaded.

313
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:46,800
Go on.

314
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,600
[CHUCKLES]

315
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,920
Sir, please don't
make me say this.

316
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,640
Oh, we're all ears now.

317
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,240
I accidentally
shot myself, okay?

318
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,760
[LAUGHING]

319
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,760
Sorry, sorry,
sorry, that's not funny,
it's very serious.

320
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,160
It is! It is funny.

321
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,120
Nincompoop, it's...

322
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,880
I shall just consult
with the judges on that.

323
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,080
[LAUGHS] I know, I know.

324
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,680
Oh, come on, Louis,
get a sense of humour.

325
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,960
That's two yes's,
you're through
to the afterlife, well done.

326
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,840
Thank you very much,
Your Honour, ma'am.

327
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,040
Off you shoot.

328
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:26,960
Off you shoot.

329
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,400
Did you hear,
I know I'm wicked,
I really am.

330
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,720

Hope next time it's not you

331
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,560
Clement
Vallandingham's accident there

332
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,600
did prove his
client to be innocent,

333
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,280
and Clement to be very,
very stupid.

334
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,320
It was a pretty
tragic thing to happen,

335
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,960
but not half as
tragic as this.

336
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,520
[NARRATOR READING]

337
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,400
During one battle
of the American Civil war,

338
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,040
the Yankee soldiers
were having a real problem

339
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,360
getting past the rebel
Confederate troops.

340
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,680
But then one General
had a brilliant idea.

341
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,800
Why not go under them?

342
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,680
The Yankees had hundreds of
coal miners fighting for them,

343
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,800
so they just dug a tunnel,
right under the rebels.

344
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,840
They packed it
full of gun powder,

345
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,160
lit the fuse and
blew up their enemy.

346
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,320
The plan had worked perfectly.

347
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,560
The Yankee
troops rushed forward
to capture the bomb crater,

348
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,480
but there was
one small problem.

349
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,160
They couldn't get out again.

350
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:33,120
The Confederate
survivors shot them all
like fish in a barrel.

351
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,840
The enemy lost 1,500 men,

352
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,360
but the Yankees
lost twice as many.

353
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,840
[MAN READING]

354
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,880
One of the most famous
and frightening
pirates of all time

355
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,560
was known as Blackbeard,

356
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,800
and,
oh, no, here he comes now.

357
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,280

I boarded a clipper

358
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,720

as a goods importer

359
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,880


360
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,560

fame as Blackbeard
The pirate of the water

361
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,240

With a jaunty cap

362
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,080

crew good quarter

363
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,880

Blood and guts and gore

364
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,120

murdering and slaughter

365
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,680

Blood and guts and gore

366
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,040

murdering and slaughter

367
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,080

With a sword and pistol

368
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,880

farewell to old blighty

369
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,000

was my thick black beard

370
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,840

setting light to

371
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,560

For a captives lovely ring

372
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,720

a jewel in the nightie

373
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,560

I just said oh

374
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,640

and said righteo

375
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,640

He said oh

376
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,640

hand and said righteo

377
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:06,800

With my flag that
inspired emotion

378
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:10,120

of skull and bones

379
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,760

with a violent stabbing motion

380
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,640

escape detection

381
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,600

crews affection

382
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,920

with the 12 guns he wore

383
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:25,320

were for protection

384
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:28,120

But I had the old vice

385
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,960

caused a commotion

386
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,120

was shoot members of my crew

387
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,080

show enough devotion

388
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:40,080

was shoot members of the crew

389
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,920

show enough devotion

390
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,120

I shot my first mate

391
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,000

a bit of pleasure

392
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,080

Killed half of my crew

393
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,880

share of the treasure

394
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,720

Seem to run out of men

395
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,800

boarded at their leisure

396
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,520

Then cut off my head

397
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:07,000

for good measure

398
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,640

Chopped off his head

399
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:13,640

for good measure, oh

400
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,640
[NARRATOR READING]

401
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,480
The answer is C.

402
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,480
Legend has it
his headless body

403
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,360
swam three times
around the ship.

404
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,960
[MAN READING]

405
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,600
MAN:
Do you suffer from headaches?

406
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,080
[GROANING]

407
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:54,600
Do you suffer from headaches?

408
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,360
Tense nervous headaches,
pain behind

409
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,480
the eyes that you
just can't shift,

410
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:00,560
then you need Trepanadol.

411
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,320
Trepanadol is our unique
trepanning starter pack.

412
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,440
It's got everything you need.

413
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,080
A sharp stone,

414
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,240
and a blunt stone.

415
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,480
Now concentrate,
here comes the sciencey bit.

416
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,000
At the first
sign of a headache

417
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,920
get a totally
unqualified colleague

418
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,760
to knock a small
hole into your skull

419
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,520
using the sharp
stone as a chisel

420
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,200
and the blunt
stone as a hammer.

421
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,120
[GRUNTING]

422
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:26,800
By knocking
a hole in your skull,

423
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,200
you'll let out the devils
inside your head

424
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,000
and it'll be bye,
bye headache.

425
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,400
[GRUNTING]

426
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,360
Warning,
trepanning is quite likely
to result in death.

427
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,960
Headache gone now.

428
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,040
[LAUGHS]

429
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,520
Warning, do not try
trepanning at home.

430
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,920
There is evidence that lots of
Stone Age people
survived it, yeah,

431
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,720
believe it or not,
but that doesn't mean
you should give it a go, yeah,

432
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,680
otherwise you might need
a Stone Age burial.

433
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:08,960
Hello, and welcome once again
to Stoneage Family Fortunes.

434
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,680
Let's meet the teams.

435
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,960
Joining us all the way from
Stone Age Britain,
it's the Ugg family.

436
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,640
And playing against
them this evening,
from Stone Age Chile,

437
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,320
it's the Ugio family.

438
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,680
You're very welcome.
Hello, there.
So, are they... Are they okay?

439
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,160
Who, Granny and Gramps?

440
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,440
Oh, no,
they're having a great time,
you know.

441
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,720
We are from the world famous
Chinchero tribe,

442
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:35,200
we like to
mummify our loved ones
and then bring them out

443
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,560
on special occasions,
that's how we roll, homes.

444
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,440
Well,
very best of luck tonight.

445
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,040
Oh, no, that's happened.

446
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:49,840
Captains,
will you now please join me
at the plinth of dreams.

447
00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:57,400
We asked a hundred Stone Age
people to name something

448
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,720
you might bury
with a member of the family.

449
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:00,880
[BUZZER SOUNDING]

450
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,120
-Ugio.
-Can I confer?

451
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,800
Of course.

452
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,000
What do you think?
Don't look at me
like that, Grampy,

453
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,280
you're freaking me out.
You think? Okay.

454
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,960
No,
Des, we would not bury them

455
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,600
'cause we find
that disrespectful,

456
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,200
so we would cut
off their arms,
their head, their legs,

457
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,840
we would rip
out their insides,
stuff them with mud,

458
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,960
put them back
together and paint them,

459
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,560
and that way they will know
how much we love them.

460
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,640
Unfortunately,
that's not the answer
I have on the card here,

461
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:30,080
bearing in mind,
Ugio, we did ask
100 European Stone Age people.

462
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:33,880
So,
Ugg, something you might bury
with a member of the family.

463
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,240
Flowers.

464
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:36,760
You said flowers,

465
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,200
our survey said flowers

466
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,640
is the right answer.
Please, rejoin your families.

467
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:45,880
-Weapon?
-Weapons.

468
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,240
Correct.

469
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:49,400
Food.

470
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:50,480
That's right.

471
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,640
Dog.

472
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,440
Pets, I'll accept dog.

473
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,120
Um,
anything that might make them

474
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:57,760
more comfortable
in the afterlife.

475
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,800
Oh, and we'd tie their arms
and legs together,

476
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:01,120
so they can't
jump out the grave.

477
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,600
Is the correct answer.

478
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,280
Tie them up,
where's your respect, Uggs?

479
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,240
If you really love them,
you would cut off
their arms and legs

480
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,920
and you would skin them.

481
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,280
Are you saying I
don't love my family?

482
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:13,640
What if I am, sunbeam?

483
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,200
What do you mean,
you don't know my family.

484
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,520
-You want to dance, fool?
-You Charlie big potatoes.

485
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,480
-Potatoes.
-You silly little man,
little man.

486
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,160
Okay, okay,
let's see what Ugg has won.

487
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,680
ANNOUNCER: Yes, throw away
your old stone tools,

488
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,480
the Bronze Age is
here and it's metal.

489
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,280
You'll be
the talk of the tribe

490
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,960
with your very
own bronze weapon.

491
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:35,440
No, not the face.

492
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,720
[GROANS]

493
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,960
What, um...
You've killed Ugio.

494
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:46,320
Yeah, um, maybe we should
cut off his arms and legs,

495
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,080
scrape out his innards,
fill him

496
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,240
with mud and put
him back together.

497
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,080
Well, it's what he
would have wanted.

498
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:55,560
Say goodbye, everybody.
[CHUCKLES]

499
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,760
That's great, say goodbye.

500
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,400
Come on,
say goodbye, that's it.
Oh, it's happened again.

501
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:02,480
It doesn't really matter.

502
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,320
[MAN READING]

503
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,600

are actually a mystery

504
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,760

in the books you read

505
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,840

or even misreported

506
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,880

was all down to me

507
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,200


508
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,920
-It's Whiteley.
-Sorry.

509
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,880
Yeah, yeah, well,
the newspaper
got it wrong, mate.

510
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,480
Albert Einstein was
a famous scientist,

511
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:33,600
Frankenstein was the one with
the monster,
so print an apology.

512
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,680
Wallop.

513
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,600
Cliff,
I've got Florence Nightingale
and...

514
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,200
Sorry,
what was your name again?

515
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:42,840
Mary Seacole.

516
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,800
Mary Seacole to see you.

517
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,880
Thank you,
Sue, show 'em in please.

518
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,720
[BOTH MUTTERING]

519
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:55,320
Ladies,
Cliff Whiteley telling it
how it wasn't, take a pew.

520
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,360
Right,
what seems to be the problem?

521
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,800
The problem is,
all the history books
about the Crimean war

522
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,840
only seem to
mention one nurse.

523
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,040
Florence Nightingale.

524
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,760
Florence Nightingale.

525
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,440
Well, I should hope so, too,
we did a great
deal of work here

526
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:17,520
ensuring old Flo
went down in history,
what a catchphrase.

527
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,520
The lady with the lamp.

528
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:20,920
Wallop.

529
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,440
You forgot about me.

530
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,240
No offence, love,
but I never heard of you.

531
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,160
Four times me tried to join
old lamp face as a nurse

532
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,920
in the Crimean war
and four times she said no.

533
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,440
The nursing corp
was for British girls,
you're from Jamaica.

534
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,640
Me father was from Scotland.

535
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,760
I still ain't
never heard of you.

536
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:40,920
Well, you should have!

537
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,200
When she turned me down
that never stopped me.

538
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,800
Me sold up me home in Jamaica

539
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,240
and paid for me own ticket
to the Crimea,

540
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,080
and when me get there,
me built

541
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:50,800
me own hostel
with me own money,

542
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,680
to provide care
for the injured
British soldiers.

543
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,360
-Wow.
-Yes, yes,

544
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,080
but it was my
military hospitals

545
00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:00,080
that dealt with all
the really nasty injuries.

546
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:01,640
Not just you,

547
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,800
I'd actually go
out and treated

548
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,000
the injuries on
the battle field.

549
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,720
Well, I did pioneering work
in cleanliness and hygiene.

550
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,480
I worked in Cholera
and tropical medicine.

551
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,800
Well,
I invented the pie chart.

552
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:17,840
You did really
invent the pie chart.

553
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,080
Yes, I did.

554
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,560
Did not know that.

555
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,600
All right, ladies, chill out.

556
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:27,720
Asseyez-vous.
Now,
Mary, how come she's famous

557
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,160
and I ain't
never heard of you?

558
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,840
When the war ended,

559
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,000
one of us was still
rich and influential

560
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,320
and could go on
to do great work

561
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:39,640
whilst the other was just
a poor, penniless black woman.

562
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:43,160
Do you know something,
that is terrible.
After everything you did.

563
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,440
Let's see if we can't get you
a bit of publicity.

564
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:46,680
What?

565
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,120
Shut it, lampy knickers.

566
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,680
Now, we'll get you a statue,
obviously.

567
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,600
Yeah,
maybe get a University wing
named after you.

568
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,320
Oh, how would you feel
about being featured

569
00:25:57,360 --> 00:26:00,720
in a historical
sketch show for the BBC?

570
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,000
It any good?

571
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,400
It ain't bad.

572
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,280
Wallop.

573
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,840
Yes, a statue of Mary Seacole
in Central London,

574
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,200
hopefully means more people
will now know who she is.

575
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,240
Top work, Cliff.

576
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:19,160
Now where's my statue, eh? Eh?

577
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,360
Of course, when you learnt
about people in
Victorian schools,

578
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,880
you learnt
the proper Victorian way,

579
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,400
by repetition.

580
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,120
Queen Victoria
was born in 1819.

581
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:37,720
ALL: Queen
Victoria was born in 1819.

582
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:41,280
Queen Victoria
became Queen in 1837.

583
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:46,040
ALL:
Queen Victoria became Queen
in 1837.

584
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,600
Leatherby,
we do not drink ink.

585
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,840
ALL: Leatherby,
we do not drink ink.

586
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,000
No, no, children,
that was just for Leatherby.

587
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,640
ALL: No, no, children,
that was just for Leatherby.

588
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,400
Children,
you do not have to repeat
everything that I say.

589
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,360
ALL: Children,
you do not have to repeat
everything that I say.

590
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:08,600
-Stop it!
-ALL: Stop it!

591
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,080
-Stop it!
-ALL: Stop it!

592
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:13,600
I smell of wee.

593
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:14,960
ALL: You smell of wee.

594
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,480
Ha, ha,
that wasn't exact repetition.

595
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,840
ALL: Ha, ha,
that wasn't exact repetition.

596
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:22,520
Argh!

597
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:23,960
ALL: Argh!

598
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,000
The Headmaster's coming,
now behave,

599
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,760
or the silly old
goat will have me
dragged off to his office.

600
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,240
Is everything all right,
Mr Hanrahan?

601
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,840
ALL: The Headmaster's coming,
so please behave,

602
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:41,360
or the silly old
goat will have me
dragged off to the office.

603
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:45,680
Mr Hanrahan,
a word in my office, please.

604
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,240
[WHISPERS] Thanks a bunch.

605
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:48,640
ALL: You're welcome.

606
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,160

We gave you all
the fearsome facts

607
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,600

no glam or glitz

608
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:56,960
We showed you
all the juicy bits

609
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,640

ghastly, mean and cruel

610
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,280

teach you at school

611
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,160

longer a mystery

612
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:10,160

Horrible Histories